I really do. It should be a fun, happy time. Planning Thanksgiving dinner. Buying gifts for Christmas. Planning Dani and Lexi’s birthdays. Driving around to see the Christmas lights. Decorating the house. Cooking yummy dinners. Spending quality time with my family. Don’t get me wrong, we’ll do all of that and more. But, I can never avoid being depressed during this time of year. It’s a curse that I have. I’ve had it all my life. Bleh. I end up doing all the stuff that we are supposed to do, but I still end up feeling inadequate. Growing up, we had such a good time during this time of year because my father was HUGE on Christmas. We were so spoiled. It would take us an hour to open all of our presents. Our living room would be filled with them. My dad even dressed up as Santa one year and my mom just happened to be awake and “secretly” video taped him while he came in (through the front door since we had taken out our fireplace). He came over and ate our cookies and coffee that we left out for him. Then he went to the stockings and filled them up, lifting all the little gifts toward the camera as he was stuffing the stockings. He kept saying, “Ho ho ho!” and LOL he kept having to pull up his stomach. Then he went to the living room and piled tons of gifts in, all the while Ho ho ho-ing and showing the gifts to the camera. My little sister Sara happened to wake during this and he even winked at her. It was the most fun Christmas that year when we all woke up and ran out to open presents. That night we sat down to watch the replay of our gift opening on the TV – you know, to prolong Christmas as long as possible. Imagine our surprise to see Santa in action!
LOL it’s those type of memories that make me so happy yet sad at the same time. My girls have never experienced that because Will doesn’t do the whole Christmas-stocking-Santa thing. He grew up in a really strict Christian household and didn’t celebrate Christmas – or any other holiday for that matter. For the first couple years we were married we had to hide the fact that we even had a tree from his parents. Now he does the Christmas thing, but he doesn’t do Santa. You know, I guess I’m ok with that though, sorta. It should be more about our Lord and not Santa, but a little more enthusiasm for the holiday would be so nice, especially knowing how much it used to mean to me as a kid.
I guess I miss my Dad a lot during this time of year too. It’ll be the 15th anniversary of his death this January and his absence is never forgotten during his favorite holiday. I love the season because of all of the above mentioned things, but I also hate it because I get so sad and worthless feeling and sometimes I just want the season to hurry up and pass so we can move on to other things.
Also, I want to know why no one slapped me upside the head and told me not to have sex in March two of the times that I got pregnant and had two of my kids in December. December 21st to be exact. Who the hell does that?! These poor girls get totally stiffed by it. We end up being strapped (I know, poor financial planning on our part) by Christmas that it’s hard to throw them huge parties and stuff.
I know, I know… it should be about the love and togetherness, not the material stuff, right?
Sorry, excuse me. I’m just feeling blah right now. It’ll pass.
Tiffany
You are really blessed that you have those memories of your dad though. Really, feel solace in the memory of him loving you guys so much he did that for all of you.
I have horrible memories of my father and Christmas. Can I have your memories? Kidding.
Your girls will have a wonderful Birthday!
Sorry to hear about the new lack of Christmas at your house… Christmas didn’t even start out to be a “christian” holiday… sigh… Too bad your hubby won’t let you swirl the two parts of Christmas into Traditions totally unique to YOUR family… HUGS!!